Someone I hold dear to my heart sent me an email this morning reminding me that I have not posted anything for quite some time. I've been crazy busy....but that is another story for another time....honestly, I just am feeling a bit defeated lately. Of course feeling defeated comes with all of those super fun side effects like also feeling cranky, tired, grumpy, sluggish, apathetic, etc, etc.......this also is accompanied by the ability to open a bag of Lay's original Family size and devour the entire bag within minutes....yummy....the bag I had was super salty too....mmmmmm....in my defense I did chug about a quart of green tea with the chips, and since green tea is so healthy that's got to count for something, right?! This person also reminded me that writing can be good therapy...so here goes....
As a young girl growing up on a quiet, rolling farm I spent my days dreaming of a fast paced life in the big city. Not unlike many youth, I looked at my parents and was convinced they had no clue. I remember as a teen soaking in the Hollywood version of corporate success from movies like The Secret of My Success with Michael J Fox, and Working Girl with Melanie Griffith. I was convinced and devoted that my path in life would be filled with board rooms, a walk-in closet filled to the brim with "power suits" and a high rise loft overlooking the glittering city. I would never cook...I'd spend what little time I had off from taking over the world shopping, spending all of that cash I was so sure would be in abundance. I would be rich beyond belief, and the envy of every girl who knew me.
Looking back at that young girl, so filled with hopes and dreams....my first thought is that she is a fool. Upon further reflection, I realize in many ways that young girl isn't so different from who I am today. Those who know me well, know that I am a dreamer at heart. It doesn't take much to send my thoughts racing at what seems to be a million miles an hour planning, wishing, heart soaring, day long fantasy. Somewhere along the way, as I changed, the dream and the vision changed...now I see towering pines in place of high rises.....the mystery of the deep woods in place of the city....board games next to a roaring fire replace the board room.....glittering stars on a clear summer's night, or the fresh sparkle of new fallen snow have replaced the city lights...flannel shirts have replaced the horrid nightmare of the power suit...and a greenhouse filled with the promise of new life has taken the spot of the walk-in closet. Thankfully, I no longer care what every girl who ever knew me thinks:) Along with all of these differences, the definition of what makes you "rich" has changed as well. Now it is filled with family.....treasured moments instead of things....looking back on challenging times and knowing I gained strength by walking (and sometimes crawling) through my struggles.....laughter.....truly knowing that giving really is better than getting...I could go on all day with this, but won't. Today is not my day for this dream to be a reality....but today I feel thankful for the dream, the promise of things to come....it's too good to give up on, and after all I wouldn't appreciate it enough if there was no struggle to get it...for today that's enough.
It's cold and the world outside the window is covered in freshly fallen snow....my house is warm, the kids are just waking up...I hear Sadie flopping onto the floor in the next room, and someone spurred me to write today...I do believe it's helped....there is much to be thankful for!!!