Humidity, a "funk" and visitors to the farm

It's been hot this week. August heat...90's with humidity. ICK!!! I am not a girl who loves hot weather, but I especially hate it with the high humidity. It makes the world feel so heavy, makes every task seem like a burden, and makes even breathing feel like too much work. I would prefer not to need air conditioning. A gentle breeze filled with the sounds of the birds through an open window makes the house feel so much fresher than the assaulting blast coming from the A/C. Not to mention the noise! The heat lifted a bit today, and this evening a light rain is falling. The world outside has a strange greenish glow. I can see a hummingbird at rest on the feeder, it is a wonderful evening. Last week was hot too, but the week before was beautiful weather in the low 80's with a breeze blowing all day long, 50's at night....it was lovely. The heat has brought on the early ripening of a few Blueberries though, and they have been a nice treat. We have even had a handful or two of Raspberries. Not the wild ones that grow throughout the woods, but the ones planted by human hands instead of mother nature's. They grow on the bank behind the house and get a lot more sunlight...they are a nice treat, but I prefer picking and eating the wild ones in the forest. They just taste better somehow.

I find myself fighting a "funk" lately. Sometimes I find myself feeling down about life. Nothing in particular, just life. Things that Earl is struggling to deal with in his world, and I am unable to fix for him. Autumn has had a low fever for nearly two weeks with no other symptoms other than tired and cranky to give clues as to the reason. Katie in her "I'm almost 16, so I can't even think" funk. Austin and his "I am almost 15 and an expert on everything" stage. Plus it is humid....I think I have mentioned that I loathe humidity. Really, other than Autumn's fever there is nothing in this list that is not normal day to day stuff. Stuff that I am for the most part okay at dealing with. What I am really bummed about is just feeling stuck. I have a bit of a claustrophobic bone in my body. When I say a bit, I really mean a big, huge ugly one! I am not one who likes sleeping bags, or rooms without windows. Anything too confining, and I feel panic rise and spread throughout my entire being. This is not the stuck I am struggling with right now and thankfully there is no panic to accompany it. Really it is more of a slowly spreading heavy and low feeling. I find myself having a pessimistic attitude about nearly everything these last few weeks. I hate these times. I feel as if I am struggling against an unknown enemy, yet the enemy is really myself. It is like a war between the part of me that is down and the part that is saying, "Get your butt up girl, sometimes the only control you have is your own reaction!" This war leaves me exhausted and barely able to even deal with the necessary routine of the day. 

What has me feeling stuck at the moment is the sale of our farm. We want to sell our farm, we cannot move on to the next adventure in our lives until we do. I love this place, it is an amazing little world all it's own. It has been a wonderful part of my life, but it is time for me to plant my heart and soul somewhere new. I have done all the growing I can here, and am anxious for a new chapter to life. It is true that for everything you gain, you must also give something up. I guess it is about priorities and what is most important. Time is so precious, I don't want to spend anymore of it than I have to waiting.....geez, patience is so hard to practice sometimes! So to wrap it up, at the end of the past two weeks I am recovering from my funk. I am getting my "head screwed on right" as my mom says. Thanks to an ever present ear to vent to, some kitchen therapy, a cuddle from a kitty named Emma, my son not running to hide when I hugged him and feeling happy because a friendly voice from far away thought of me and passed along something they thought I would enjoy. All these things I am thankful for today...Smiles!!

For the friendly voice

For the ever present ear

Lately, we've had some visitors. We mostly keep to ourselves here, and most of the neighbors are like minded, so other than teenage friends, we don't get too many new people. Twice in the last two weeks, someone who has not been here before visited the farm. Both had really great reactions. The first, she loved the house, had never been inside of a house that was this old and not a museum. She loved the gardens too. The second, a couple with small kids were in awe of the barn and the land. We had a nice walk through the woods and the newly mowed fields. When I look around, I think it is all pretty awesome too! We are a little spoiled in this part of Pennsylvania. There is so much amazing history here. York where we grocery shop, was the nation's capital for a very brief time. Gettysburg is celebrating it's 150th anniversary this week, we are maybe 35 minutes away. Lancaster county, home to the simple ways of the Amish is about 30 minutes from us. It is an area rich in history and culture of times long past. This area was settled by the Germans, known by most as the Pennsylvania Dutch--reminders of their legacy can be seen everywhere. It is never lost on me when I sit in the living room that the beautiful wood ceiling is here because of hours of back breaking work way back in the 1730's. Seeing others reactions though, is a fresh reminder that we are lucky to be here in a place like this.